Assertiveness

A few weeks ago, while shopping at the market, I witnessed a scene that caught my attention. A mother and her son were clearly in a conflict of leadership within their relationship, a conflict that seemed to arise from inadequate discipline management. Jason, approximately three or four years old, grabbed a toy from the shelves, and as his mother told him she couldn't buy it, he began throwing products out of the shopping cart. This wasn't the first time he had been indulged to avoid these outbursts or to show him how much he was loved by giving in to all his demands. This type of behavior may be related to a lack of clear and consistent boundaries in parenting (Grolnick & Pomerantz, 2009).

Jason's screams not only disrupted my shopping but also altered the atmosphere in the market. I felt pity for the mother and helplessness at not being able to intervene. The absence of a "no" as a response can be a significant cause of these behaviors. Studies show that when children discover tantrums as an effective tool to get what they want, parents lose control of the situation (Holden, 2010). Many parents don't know how to say "no" to their children, whether it's to an outing, a toy, or an activity that is inconvenient at the moment, believing it will provide happiness.

However, we must question the durability of this happiness. Research suggests that satisfaction based on material possessions is fleeting and does not contribute to the development of genuine and lasting happiness (Kasser, 2002). Providing children with everything they ask for without setting limits can result in adults who are unable to handle frustrations and rejections, a phenomenon well-documented in psychological literature (Baumrind, 1991). When children do not learn to deal with frustration and denial, they may develop emotional and behavioral problems later in life (Luthar & Becker, 2002).

From my perspective, it is essential that parents learn to say "no" more often and justifiably. Even though children are young, it is crucial to explain the reasons in a way they can understand, rather than simply denying them things without explanation. Clear and consistent communication is key for children to understand boundaries and expectations (Gottman & DeClaire, 1997). Additionally, rewards and privileges should be tied to the achievement of small goals, such as learning the alphabet, behaving with good manners, or getting good grades. This teaches children that rewards come through effort and sacrifice, a lesson that will be invaluable in adulthood (Luthar & Becker, 2002).

It is also important to consider the impact of excessive indulgence on the development of children's character. Studies have shown that children who are given everything they want without having to work for it can develop a sense of entitlement or superiority, which can negatively affect their interpersonal relationships and their ability to face challenges (Twenge & Campbell, 2009). Therefore, teaching children to value effort and understand that they cannot always get what they want is crucial for their emotional and social development.

In conclusion, effective parenting involves setting clear and consistent boundaries and teaching children the value of effort and resilience. Saying "no" is not just a form of discipline but an essential tool to prepare children for life's challenges. By doing so, we not only protect their emotional and mental well-being but also provide them with the necessary skills to become responsible and self-sufficient adults.

References

• Baumrind, D. (1991). Effective parenting during the early adolescent transition. In P. A. Cowan & E. M. Hetherington (Eds.), Family transitions (pp. 111-163). Routledge.

• Grolnick, W. S., & Pomerantz, E. M. (2009). Issues and challenges in studying parental control: Toward a new conceptualization. Child Development Perspectives, 3(3), 165-170.

• Gottman, J. M., & DeClaire, J. (1997). The Heart of Parenting: How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child. Simon and Schuster.

• Holden, G. W. (2010). Parenting: A dynamic perspective. SAGE Publications.

• Kasser, T. (2002). The high price of materialism. MIT Press.

• Luthar, S. S., & Becker, B. E. (2002). Privileged but pressured? A study of affluent youth. Child Development, 73(5), 1593-1610.

• Twenge, J. M., & Campbell, W. K. (2009). The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. Free Press.s.